i'm scared i'm scared
I'm here I'm here
i can't i can't
but I can I can
they go they go
but they don't they don't
they do they do
i'm sad i'm sad
Me too, for you
help me help me
I am I am
Don't you see? you're still standing.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
LIFE is beautiful!
I have recently re-discovered hope and joy. I know it sounds emo; bear with me. It's been a crazy few months since the spring, and things were getting difficult to deal with. But I was dealing with them in my own head, without God, and it was not working. I have since let the guard down from my stubborn, stubborn heart. Here are a couple of quotes I am obsessed with currently:
"Have no fear of entrusting yourselves to Him! He will guide you, He will grant you the strength to follow Him every day and in every situation."
--- This is so very true. So often we are afraid to trust God, because we are afraid of the unknown, of where He might lead us. But why? As someone very wise once said to me, "God isn't there to deny you your dreams." He wants better for us than we could ever want for ourselves. Maybe He will lead me somewhere that I think is outside my comfort zone; but that's just it: HE is my comfort zone. And where He goes, I will follow. Because He gives me the strength.
"It is Jesus in fact that you seek when you dream of happiness, He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provokes you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is He who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is He who reads in your hearts your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle. It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal."
"Have no fear of entrusting yourselves to Him! He will guide you, He will grant you the strength to follow Him every day and in every situation."
--- This is so very true. So often we are afraid to trust God, because we are afraid of the unknown, of where He might lead us. But why? As someone very wise once said to me, "God isn't there to deny you your dreams." He wants better for us than we could ever want for ourselves. Maybe He will lead me somewhere that I think is outside my comfort zone; but that's just it: HE is my comfort zone. And where He goes, I will follow. Because He gives me the strength.
"It is Jesus in fact that you seek when you dream of happiness, He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provokes you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is He who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is He who reads in your hearts your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle. It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal."
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
All of my friends are gone and I'm bored out of my mind.
So...when I was at school, all of my friends were home. I came home, and all of my friends were either back at school or on their way very soon. Now there are only a few left home, and I don't really have time to see them! What a crazy world. Anyway, I'm bored, so instead of feeding my arts and crafts addiction, I decided to do one of those note things that everyone on Facebook does. But on here. Because...that's not annoying or anything ;)
25 random facts about me... because i'm THAT self-absorbed.
1. I really like big hoodies. I feel safer in them.
2. I could live on green beans and be totally, blissfully happy. But my favorite meal is bratwurst on the grill, in the summer, with my moms cauliflower and bacon salad.
3. I crack my knuckles. a lot.
4. Tigers are my favorite animal. I don't know why. but I have a stuffed one that looks really real in my bedroom at home.
5. Orange is my favorite color. Again, I don't know why, because I don't own a significant number of orange clothing or anything. But...my room is painted orange.
6. I need a watch on my wrist. At all times. I must know the time. it's obsessive-compulsive.
7. I've traveled across an ocean many times already in my life. All for religious purposes.
8. I really like hometown coffee shops. A lot.
9. I have a weird accent, because it's a mix of Minnesota and Chicago. A big thank you to my parents -- I sound like a freak.
10. I skipped Kindergarten, so I'm always a year younger than everyone else in my class.
11. I like chalk. Sidewalk chalk, chalk boards, whatever. I like writing/doodling with it.
12. I love baseball. Watching it, I mean. I love playing soccer. And watching high school football.
13. I'm a theology major. And I want my masters in clinical psychology. to be a Jesus-lovin' therapist.
14. I'm kind of a phase person when it comes to habits. sometimes I bite my nails a lot, then it totally grosses me out. sometimes I swear all the time, then I never curse at all. sometimes I really want to knit, then it bores the crap out of me. Etc.
15. I really like comfy clothes to be navy blue. Navy blue sweatpants, navy blue sweatshirts, t-shirts, etc. Otherwise I really like bright/bold colors.
16. I like parties. But not every night. I need alone time. And I need my few very close friends.
17. Sometimes I have a hard time trusting people. But I didn't always have that problem. But there is a small handful of people who I trust completely, which is the greatest blessing in my life.
18. My WHOLE family (immediate family, me, grandma, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc) thinks fart/poop jokes are really funny. And they are. Base humor as it may be.
19. I'm in a huge arts and crafts phase right now. And I'm not a creative person. But I'm getting better with practice, I must admit.
20. I really like community service. It gives meaning to my life, honestly. But I don't like when people say they are humbled by service. Because, to quote Anusia, "it implies you were above them to begin with, which is not true."
21. I'm a firm believer that Taco Bell only tastes good after 10 pm.
22. Fall is my favorite season in Chicago. Spring is my favorite in Florida.
23. Palm trees eventually get old, as snotty as that sounds. I really love and miss the city of Chicago, everything about it: white sox baseball, chicago style hotdogs, the too-busy-to-give-you-the-time-of-day attitude in the city, the brick buildings, the suburbs with the corn...everything.
24. I sleep on my stomach, with one leg straight and one leg bent, like the number 4.
25. I really really really love my family. No matter what.
You're welcome.
25 random facts about me... because i'm THAT self-absorbed.
1. I really like big hoodies. I feel safer in them.
2. I could live on green beans and be totally, blissfully happy. But my favorite meal is bratwurst on the grill, in the summer, with my moms cauliflower and bacon salad.
3. I crack my knuckles. a lot.
4. Tigers are my favorite animal. I don't know why. but I have a stuffed one that looks really real in my bedroom at home.
5. Orange is my favorite color. Again, I don't know why, because I don't own a significant number of orange clothing or anything. But...my room is painted orange.
6. I need a watch on my wrist. At all times. I must know the time. it's obsessive-compulsive.
7. I've traveled across an ocean many times already in my life. All for religious purposes.
8. I really like hometown coffee shops. A lot.
9. I have a weird accent, because it's a mix of Minnesota and Chicago. A big thank you to my parents -- I sound like a freak.
10. I skipped Kindergarten, so I'm always a year younger than everyone else in my class.
11. I like chalk. Sidewalk chalk, chalk boards, whatever. I like writing/doodling with it.
12. I love baseball. Watching it, I mean. I love playing soccer. And watching high school football.
13. I'm a theology major. And I want my masters in clinical psychology. to be a Jesus-lovin' therapist.
14. I'm kind of a phase person when it comes to habits. sometimes I bite my nails a lot, then it totally grosses me out. sometimes I swear all the time, then I never curse at all. sometimes I really want to knit, then it bores the crap out of me. Etc.
15. I really like comfy clothes to be navy blue. Navy blue sweatpants, navy blue sweatshirts, t-shirts, etc. Otherwise I really like bright/bold colors.
16. I like parties. But not every night. I need alone time. And I need my few very close friends.
17. Sometimes I have a hard time trusting people. But I didn't always have that problem. But there is a small handful of people who I trust completely, which is the greatest blessing in my life.
18. My WHOLE family (immediate family, me, grandma, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc) thinks fart/poop jokes are really funny. And they are. Base humor as it may be.
19. I'm in a huge arts and crafts phase right now. And I'm not a creative person. But I'm getting better with practice, I must admit.
20. I really like community service. It gives meaning to my life, honestly. But I don't like when people say they are humbled by service. Because, to quote Anusia, "it implies you were above them to begin with, which is not true."
21. I'm a firm believer that Taco Bell only tastes good after 10 pm.
22. Fall is my favorite season in Chicago. Spring is my favorite in Florida.
23. Palm trees eventually get old, as snotty as that sounds. I really love and miss the city of Chicago, everything about it: white sox baseball, chicago style hotdogs, the too-busy-to-give-you-the-time-of-day attitude in the city, the brick buildings, the suburbs with the corn...everything.
24. I sleep on my stomach, with one leg straight and one leg bent, like the number 4.
25. I really really really love my family. No matter what.
You're welcome.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The Playground
a midnight breeze
rattles chains of swings
the sounds of crickets and cars
say the world is still turning
two hearts sit
on a lily pad bridge
cups of caffeine the only evidence
of their hectic lives tonight
of what do they speak?
the wind will never tell.
for this is their reprieve, their solitude
the angels themselves stand guard over it
here they tell all
here their chaos ends
and there dreams begin
here is love: true, and unconditional
to some, it's a playground
to them, it's magic.
Monday, June 8, 2009
"What a Wonderful World..." =)
I really love moments like these! I get reminded that things I stress about so much - money, work, little problems - are really just so trivial in the grand scheme of things.
"I'm above the below and below the upper. I'm stuck in the middle where money gets tight, but I guess I'm doin' alright."
The title is taken from the Jo Dee Messina song "I'm alright". I've been a little bit, kinda-sorta, maybe just a tad, completely obsessed with this song lately. To phrase it dramatically: it speaks to me.
I went home after the semester ended, but only stayed for about 3 weeks; then I came back to school to work. Coming back to school was 100% necessary - money is tight, and the job I have here is good. But that isn't to say I wasn't sad about leaving. Because I was. For some reason, this time was really hard. Maybe it's because summer is the time you really are supposed to be out of school and with your family and friends, and I was fully expecting to do that until about a month before summer started. Or maybe I just really really missed everyone, because 2nd semester took a lot longer than 1st semester, and I didn't come home at all. Either way, leaving was sad. But despite the sadness and the still-lingering desire to be home instead of at school, I know it was the right decision - because even though I was sad about leaving home again, I have peace inside about the decision to stay here for the summer. And I learned (or actually re-learned because I'm pretty sure I've been taught this many times in my life) a bigger thing from this: I realize that when decisions have to be made, about anything, the easiest way or the popular opinion is really NOT always the best way. But no matter what you decide, it will be positive in some aspects and negative in others. So you have to make your decisions in life based on what gives you peace inside, because in your soul, God really is leading you to the best decision. You just have to be quiet enough to listen, and trust Him enough to get you through the difficulties.
So, I'm all, I'm all, I'm alright.
It's a beautiful day, not a cloud in sight,
So I guess I'm doin' alright!
I went home after the semester ended, but only stayed for about 3 weeks; then I came back to school to work. Coming back to school was 100% necessary - money is tight, and the job I have here is good. But that isn't to say I wasn't sad about leaving. Because I was. For some reason, this time was really hard. Maybe it's because summer is the time you really are supposed to be out of school and with your family and friends, and I was fully expecting to do that until about a month before summer started. Or maybe I just really really missed everyone, because 2nd semester took a lot longer than 1st semester, and I didn't come home at all. Either way, leaving was sad. But despite the sadness and the still-lingering desire to be home instead of at school, I know it was the right decision - because even though I was sad about leaving home again, I have peace inside about the decision to stay here for the summer. And I learned (or actually re-learned because I'm pretty sure I've been taught this many times in my life) a bigger thing from this: I realize that when decisions have to be made, about anything, the easiest way or the popular opinion is really NOT always the best way. But no matter what you decide, it will be positive in some aspects and negative in others. So you have to make your decisions in life based on what gives you peace inside, because in your soul, God really is leading you to the best decision. You just have to be quiet enough to listen, and trust Him enough to get you through the difficulties.
So, I'm all, I'm all, I'm alright.
It's a beautiful day, not a cloud in sight,
So I guess I'm doin' alright!
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